I am still bawling my eyes out. AWFUL!!
So tomorrow...or now today...is my 16 week check up with Dr. Shin.
So in my dream I'm at the Dr's office...my mom and younger sister are there with me. We go to the back exam room and Dr. Shin is checking my tummy....and she says "For how far along you are I'd expect your uterus to be about here (a little below my belly button)." She ends up changing my due date back TWO WEEKS. And she never ends up doing a doppler for the heart beat.
So then my sister and mom are out in the waiting room and I'm back in the u/s room. But no one is there and I don't get my u/s done. So as I'm about to walk out to leave I see Dr. Shin and I tell her, "I just want to make sure my baby is ok, can we at least do an u/s?"
She begrudgingly agrees and I grab my mom and we walk down this hall...and enter my church's gymnasium. There is a baby grand and a microphone over by the stage and she hands my the microphone and tells me to place it on my belly.
So I put it right around my belly button and immediately hear the baby's heart beat. She tells me to move the microphone around and I do...and the baby sticks his hand out and pushes the mic away. And I'm like, "That's so cool!" and my mom is all excited.
The next thing I know, the amniotic sac is out on the table and I'm still holding the microphone up to it and the baby moves to push the microphone away and ends up tearing the sac. And fluid starts leaking.
I ask Dr. Shin if she can repair it, and she's like, "It's small enough I can just stitch it up."
Then the baby keeps moving and tears a huge hole in the sac. Fluid is leaking everywhere. I look at Dr. Shin with fear and she goes over to the table, picks up my baby, and as she is walking away says, "We're going to have to do a D&C."
I kept screaming no, no, no, no, no....and just crumble to the floor in my mother's lap just sobbing. Yelling for my baby.
Then everything goes black.
THAT was my dream. I am totally freaked out and crying and just emotionally exhausted. I want to see my baby and know everything is ok!
PICC Time
5 months ago
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2 comments:
The bad news about pregnancy is that these fears we have (asleep or awake,) don't really go away - but the GOOD news is that you don't have to sit around worrying yourself sick all of the time (although I have had my share of that.) Ask Dave to give you a blessing, pray ALL the time and try to go to the temple if you can. This experience has been the first in my life where I truly feel things are in the Lord's hands, but staying busy and doing all of the things I mentioned before really does help me feel more at peace. I'm really sorry that you had such a bad dream. It's just a dream, though! It just shows how much you can love someone you haven't met yet!
Thanks Jill. Dave just gave me a blessing before he went to work. I'm assured every time that everything will be okay...but these hormones just run amok! It was just so out of the blue it caught me off guard. Oye. I still cry just thinking about it. Pregnancy is emotionally exhausting! I thought the first trimester was bad with wondering if I would be the 1/4 to miscarry. I need to find a hobby to take my mind off things.
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